Dear Tuesday,
So I went back to school today. But I guess you already knew that since Ive been talking about it a lot. School wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. My first class (5th period) was child development. We are still on the subject of two and three year olds. I almost started crying. I miss Bailey soooo much. Then I had tech theater and I am still sitting next so Antrione. He is so annoying. He is either so hyper and noisy, he gets on my nerves, or he is so sleepy and doesnt do his work, and annoys me. And WHY am I sitting in the front? Im not a bad kid! I even got except from taking the final last month. But a good thing is that now my friend Kionu (or however you spell his name!) is now sitting next to me. He doesnt do his work either but at least he doesnt talk shit and say he's going to jump me after class. I wish people would stop talking and just DO it! Ha, Ill probably get my ass beat up, but I can respect that. Plus Antrione makes me feel so stupid. And Im not! Im really smart, well smart enough! lol Then I went to lunch but by then I was in a bad mood. I didnt eat much and just listened to my music. Then algebra. Algebra really isnt that bad, I just dont understand it, at all. I need to have my mom call my tutor so I can start seeing her again. We moved seats, so now I sit next to this Russian guy with a thick accent. And by the door, so if I ever want to walk out it wont bother the whole class :P lol Then I went to World Geography and Mrs.Winzeler's daughter is sleeping through the night lately so she is fed up with our crap and we wont get an easy ride anymore. So she says. But Im still sitting next to Nick so she doesnt have a clue. I dont understand that class either, so Nick always helps me. Or I cheat :P
When I got on the bus my new bus driver had his phone playing country music. He seems really nice, and like a newbie, but he reminds me of my dad. So does his body guard. I almost started crying (the second time today!) I also found out the guard is missing an ear........Its kinda disgusting but he tries to cover it up with a bandanna.
Well then I came home and I am so ready to actually relax. Hopefully tomorrow I can go to church! I wanna see my friends! Tomorrow I have bible class at school so if I dont go, I can still learn about God.
Tomorrow I go see my doctor, I bet she is going to put me on more medicine. Im okay with that, I just dont wanna be suicidal again. I need to stay strong!
Dear Wednesday,
ReplyDeleteI love you!
Ok, so I wake up go to school. First period is my bible class :) Coach Welborn is still as awesome as he was last year! We mostly took notes but that was okay. Second period I have a new teacher, Saralee Stevens, its a video analyzing class, so all we will do is watch old movies. We are gonna watch people like Charlie Chaplin (idk if I spelled his name right) then third period was English with Mrs.Loafman. We are starting to read a story. Woop.
Then my mom came to pick me up (at 1:30pm) and we went to my doctors office (Dr.Robinson) and my appointment was at 2:30pm but my mom thought it was at 2pm, but I didnt mind getting out of class early lol So then I waited until 2:45pm just to get into the office so I could get weighed! Then a Texas Tech student started talking to me and I told him how my year went and what medicines Im allergic to and Ive tried and stuff like that. Then at the end I was like "So I've been feeling depressed lately since the last medicine I got here didnt work so I want to be put on different pills" So then he goes and talks to some resident, the resident then comes and talks to me, its already almost 4pm! And he basically repeats what I told the other dude. Which made me mad. Then they nodded and acted like I was a hamster they were expiermenting with. It pissed me off! So the resident dude went away, the student came back. Told me to get my mom, and he'll go get my doctor! Ugh, finally! lol So then Dr.Robinson came in and told me the pills I was on before WASNT FOR DEPRESSION! ARHG! Like seriously? I could have killed myself because of your carelessness! I came in for depression a year ago! And Im back so NOW your actually going to put me on antidepressents? Oh, I mean, are they real this time!? So its almost 5pm when I finally get home, with my new prescirption. My mom said I could go to church, so I got ready, and we headed off with the laundry so she could do it.
At church (Monterey Baptist Church) Chris (my youth minister) started talking about sins and stuff and it made me think. I might be baptized but Im not all that interested in God. How do I know he's real? By faith? Just having faith something is there or something is going to go a certain way doesnt mean it is there or that something is gonna go a certain way. Am I suppose to believe the bible? Its just a supernatureal story for grown-ups. My friend Hannah kinda hinted that she wouldnt be my friend if it werent that I understand kind of what she's been through. I know she is trying to become a better Christian, but that hurt. Lately Ive felt like she was a true friend. I guess I just dont know anymore.
So then church ends and my mom comes and picks me up. Then we went to pick up the rest of our laundry, and now I am about to go to sleep since I have school tomorrow. I wish school would end quicker, I could learn about God, I could see Bailey, and my depression would be over with.